fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
