he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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