i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
