I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
