Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
