You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
