I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You're a waste of cheezeits
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
tell me about the fingering
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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