if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
