last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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