Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
