i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
