covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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