I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
