im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
