Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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