she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
