I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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