He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
