i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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