I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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