hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
