I'm gonna have a badass scar
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
