I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
