She went from zero to smokin in five shots
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
