OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
