Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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