all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
