Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
420 ftw
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
