the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Randomize
