I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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