wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
