Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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