the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
