I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
