i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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