I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
