I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
