A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
