help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Randomize
