Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
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