Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Randomize
