im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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