Will you blow on my dice?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
