32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
