Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
