yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
