So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
