you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
