I wish I only lived at night.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
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