I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
