dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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